"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
A passed pawn comes home from work one day driving a fancy new car. His wife is astonished and says "Honey, I don't think we can afford this nice new car on your salary." The passed pawn says "Relax, I'm about to get promoted!"
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Someone suddenly screams "He's taking your horse!". The cowboy get's up shoots a guy then runs out to see that his horse was fine. Comes back in, orders another drink, a voice says "He's taking your horse!". The cowboy get's up, shoots another guy, runs out but there was no one near his horse and he comes back in. The bartender says "Move the damn horse away from the queen already before this guy shoots us all!"
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They are astonished and say:"What a clever dog!" But the man protests: "No, no, he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!"
A Chess Player is walking from the lake carrying two fish in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The Chess player says to the warden, "I did not catch these fish, they are my pets's pawn. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these fish jump out and I take around to see the sights only to return them at the end of the day; remember that the Chess Board is like an ocean; full of fish". The warden, does not play chess, he not had any idea what he's taking about; not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The Chess Player turns to the warden and says, "CHECK" "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the fish back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will come out of the water." The Chess Player turns to the warden and says, "What fish!?"